Sugar update…. I am thankful for….

I survived Thanksgiving.

I didn’t miss anything.

I didn’t feel like I was denying myself anything.

I had minor sugar consumption… and I mean MINOR.

Better yet, it wasn’t a focus of the day.

While I’m not sure that sugar is really the culprit of my inflammation, it’s worth the experiment just to find out that it’s easy to manage a big meal situation without going over board… and without feeling like I was having to miss out on the meal or a treat… or a reward.

I passed on the pie, and didn’t obsess about the decision.

I miss the sugar, but I’m grateful for more mindful eating.  So I guess there’s that.

So far so good.

S.

Two weeks.

My dog is not suffering liver or kidney failure.  He has no parasites or worms living in his innards.  He’s not eaten anything really foul.  He’s not grown any big lumpy tumors.

He’s a healthy as can be expected geriatric mutt… and he has found someone to give him a few weeks.

Today we went to the vet to try to figure out if its time to put my dog down and I still don’t know.

I came home with the dog, some bland dog food and a bottle of pills that are supposed to “bulk up” his stool.

Seriously, I don’t want there to be more of it to clean up.  Hopefully the vet’s bulking is something that helps stuff remain in the tract longer.

Dad has reached his threshold and the dog is relegated to the outdoors now after 11 years of being an indoor dog.  I keep hoping he learns to sleep inside the heated kennel box, instead of on the bed in the cold.

Two weeks.

To see if the food helps settle his stomach.  To see if he can maintain his weight.

To see if he bites me again.

To see if I can find peace with making a decision that I can live with about an old friend.

Growing up sucks.  Being the adult sucks.  Making life choices… pretty much sucks.

Says me.

S.

At a loss…

Humans often have the distinct advantage over animals of being able to say where it hurts.  We can work through the problem in hopes of finding comfort, be it short term or long term relief.

Dogs don’t have this luxury, and so here I sit, at nearly 1am feeling completely and totally inadequate.

My dog bit me today.

He is tired, old, sore and suffering some intestinal issue.  (I’ll spare you the details.)  He doesn’t feel good, so I want to put him on his big bed and let him sleep… but I can’t.

He is a big dog with a little case of the diarrhea.  That equates big mess and tough clean up no matter how you do the math.  He has to be contained in a easily scrubbed spot… where he doesn’t want to be.

When I asked him to go there, he refused.  When I told him to go there he tried all the other spots in case there was room for compromise.  When I went to go get him he told me he was not intending to go in there with a very clear indication that drew blood.

He has only once bitten someone before in his 11 year life.  He went after me when he was 1 and was feeling pretty dumb about it the second it happened.  He did not feel so bad about it today.

I feel pretty bad about it.

I love my dog and I have no idea what to do for him.  I feel like I am letting him down by not knowing how to help him feel better.  I feel like his playing, romping and eating is a good indication he still wants to be here and it’s premature to think of “easing his suffering”; however, what do you do with a big dog that has been ill twice in the last 3 weeks?  Put him in the outside kennel if he could get through the dog door with his bad hip… or figure out to go where it’s warm so his arthritis isn’t so bad in the cold winter air.

He’s a big old house dog that has no place in the house when he’s sick like this.

I have been living with this dog for 11 years now and I feel like I have no experience to care for him.

This feeling of helplessness and inadequacy brings back so many emotions from my mother’s illness that I am feeling crumpled and overwhelmed tonight.

I’m going to try to take comfort that he is not barking in his poop safe den and go to bed to try to sleep.  It seems so silly to shed so many tears over a mutt, but he is MY mutt, my roommate, my responsibility…

my Fat Boy.

Somehow in the next day or so I need to get into a mindset where I can be the best guardian for him that I can be and figure out how I’m going to care for him as this goes downhill from here.

I’m hoping that just posting this little freak out will help me start transitioning into a mindset where I can take this challenge on, because as it stands right now I’m still struggling with the fact that old dogs get sick and die…

and somehow my dog got old on me while I was still trying to teach him to come when he’s called.

Insert your favorite expletive of exasperation here —>   <—.

S.

Today…

I skied.

And it was just grand.

Says me.

S

Tomorrow…

I ski.

Says me.

S.

Interesting information about water.

So on this renewed quest to see if I can modify my lifestyle to feel better I came upon a website called SparkPeople.com.  Some guy had a web business kind of like e-bay, who bought him out.  As his own personal quest to help people have healthier lifestyles he has poured some million plus dollars of his new-found wealth into this online program.

I’m looking into it because it’s free and Weight Watchers, who does a similar online program, is around $30 a month.  I’ve had success with Weight Watchers, I’ve had issues with paying for it.  This guy’s thinking is right up my alley… and my pocketbook.

So as I’m reading some of their articles and information I stumble across an article that talked about a study that came to the conclusion that over 30% of people have a really weak sense of thirst, and often mistake it for hunger.

I don’t drink much other than coffee… some tea… some water with meals.  I’m guessing about 5 cups a day total liquids, but much of what I consume has caffeine in it …and caffeine is a diuretic, so it’s leaving me quickly.  I’m hungry… well… all the time.

So I keep reading to find out that if your body is not getting enough water, it retains the water it does get.  It even went so far as to say where you retain it.

I retain water like a camel… in places they mentioned.

So… it is possible that not only am I eating because I think I’m hungry when I’m actually thirsty, but I’m retaining water because I’m dehydrated, not because of inflammation.

Very interesting stuff.  I feel like an idiot for not knowing this sooner.  I thought I was a pretty informed person when it came to diet and general health.  I’ve heard a million times that dieters should drink lots of water, I never heard a good reason why… or at least a good reason why never stuck with me.  It was just a rule that was out there.

While this may seem like I’m just posting yet again about my current health obsession, really this particular post is more of a vent.

I’m just now learning that it is possible that I have been fat for the last 14 years largely in part because I have been dehydrated for the last 14 years.

Bear in mind that I have also been battling this bulge for over 14 years… fighting my weight and eating habits for most of my life.  I have been kicking myself for not being able to manage this part of my life when so many of the other parts are well in check.

This has been a MAJOR issue in my life for nearly ALL of my life.

Talk about rude awakenings.  I’m going to drink my stupid 8 cups of water for the rest of my sugar month to see if it’s true and if it is I might just have to lay on the floor screaming and kicking my feet in frustration.

It is quite possible an IDIOT… although currently a well hydrated one.

Says me.

S.

Day 3 of sugar experiment.

Today I missed morning coffee as none was fresh in the house and I am LAZY.  Still I  somehow came through the afternoon without the mid-day dozing off at my desk.

That’s two days in a row without crashing and burning around 2 or 2:30.  In all fairness, it’s also two days of ice skating over the noon hour.

Leg bruise:  Still there.

Water retention:  Making my ankle look like a cantaloupe.

So far so good.  I expected more cravings.

Says me.

Sarah

Day 2 sans sugar…

It’s only 2:18pm or so, but today is going alright.   I’ve been drinking a cup of water every time I want to go snack and it’s causing me to have to frequent the rest room more often, which in turn is leaving less time for boredom eating.  Good thing?

I was at the grocery store with dad today (who surprisingly is being pretty supportive with my experiment) and we discovered that nearly everything has sweeteners in it.  We solidified my thoughts that natural sweeteners, like fruit, are fine.  He says I could say ‘yes’ to honey as well, but I’m still not sure.

So my goal is that if it says “SUGAR” in the ingredients, then I say “NO”.  Granulated, high fructose and corn syrup products all stayed on the list of doom.

I drooled while near the bakery as it was so sweet over there I could taste it in the air, but I left unscathed and also somehow managed to survive the tasty flavor of the day at Culver’s on the way home from the ice rink.  I’m going to need to change my route so I’m not going past there every time I leave the dang house.

Status of the crazy leg bruise:  Still there.

Drat.

Says me.

S.

Day 1 without sugar…

well sir… I don’t like it.

But I was at the Hold Steady concert last night for a big outing with Fred and am still buzzing from that.  So gooood on soooo many levels.

I suspect tomorrow will suck.

S.

Awe…. Sugar….

I get stress.  I get inflammation.  I get allergies.  I get weird rashy leg bruises.  I get swollen ankles.  It’s a routine thing.  It’s annoying.

Last time the crazy leg bruises were there I was losing hope as doctors’ only answer to me was steroids.  Like that’s a long term solution.

Randomly, my dad read an article talking about artificial sweeteners and how often times people will have reactions to it and not even know.  They sometimes had diabetic symptoms as their body was treating the false stuff as real stuff, so I started reading labels and I cut it out of my diet… and the bruises went away.  I felt GREAT!  It’s been ages since my legs looked like blood clot central.

I miss Diet Coke.

Anyway… a few weeks ago, or 7, I felt the familiar pain of a crazy leg bruise coming on… and it’s stayed.  I have one of those damn painful burning inexplicable doohickies on the back of my left calf and it’s bugging the crud out of me.

Since I’m still staying away from artificial sweeteners, I’ve been researching inflammation (closely related to allergies) to find another possible culprit and have found that it might be good for me to give up sugar.

SUGAR!

Bear in mind that I’ve already had to pass on artificial sweeteners… not that I’m missing them much… but Sugar?!?!?

There are people into sweet, and some into salty and I am the former.  I like ice cream, candy, chocolate, bars, baked goods, caramel, things that are gooey, brownies… did I mention ice cream?

Coffee flavored, strawberry, dulce de leche, Thin Mint when it does it’s seasonal round via Edy’s.

My weight is easily explained.  I eat and I don’t like to sweat.  It’s no secret.  There is a reason for my jiggles.

As a child we always seemed to have a big brown tub of Schwan’s ice cream in our basement chest freezer… if we were out of spoons upstairs that would be the first place to look.  This affair with sugar has been going on much of my life.

So… this posting is a bit to make me accountable.. and a bit to get myself geared up…

I want to try a month without sugar and just see how it goes.

Now, yes, it’s the holidays coming up… but what better time.  I’m hugely curious how much better I could feel if I actually were eating better consistently.

They say it’s best to quit cold turkey and that there will be some withdrawal symptoms.  I’m doing a little more inquiring to my doctor to find out what I should be avoiding and what is still okay.

I’m guessing that Caribou’s Caramel Toffee deliciousness ice cream is not on the list of “go” items.

So… here is me… writing this post to the 2 people who read it to say… I want to cut out sugar.   I want to do it for a month.  I want to start on Sunday, November 16th.

I’m apologizing to the sugar gods that I have worshiped my entire life.  I am going to betray you, but I promise I will not like it.

Ugh.

Says me.

S.