Periods of Transition.

I am currently in a period of transition.

I don’t like it.

Moving forward down a new path is not sounding adventurous and new and exciting to me like it used to when I was in a period of transition.  This time I’m just feeling overwhelmed and uncertain.

I find myself wondering what it is that has changed my perspective so drastically and I keep coming back to a just a few things.

1-  I liked where I was before and am having a hard time seeing how something new is going to be enough of an improvement to justify the changes.

2- Change is harder as you get older and more set in your ways.

3- I’m more aware, and therefore more realistic, about the amount of work that implementing change requires and am dreading it.

Either way it’s been hard to get into my “Afoot and lighthearted… ” brain space.

Says me.

S.

The good stink…

This is the best time of the year in my neighborhood.

The apple trees are all in bloom and the whole neighborhood smells like sweet blooms of spring.  The petals are just starting to snow all over the lawns and it’s just like heaven out there.

It’s so nice that it nearly makes up for ski season being over…. nearly.

Says me.

Sarah

A Jolt of Perspective…

Last night a girlfriend and I had very specific plans to sit on her porch, look at the moon and sip on a cocktail. It was a clear night, nearly full moon, perfect bug free weather… ideal really.

Just as we were sitting down to enjoy our visit we heard car tires screeching as a vehicle approaching took the County Road corners WAY too fast. I started running while asking if my friend had a phone in her pocket to call 911. The car fishtailed past us on the road, hit the ditch, took flight, rolled and landed back on it’s side.

4 passengers in the mini-van. 2 in seat belts.

NO major injuries sustained.

Those are some lucky SOBs. They were at least 30 miles over the speed limit driving on a dark winding country road.

As we verified everyone was okay and conscious we fed information to the 911 dispatcher and police/firemen/paramedics and the entire sheriff’s department showed up on the scene. Crap could have been going on all over town at that point as every resource was on that little stretch of road.

My friend’s neighbor in the area met us at the accident scene and I was glad to have someone else who had an idea of what to do there with us.

I was ecstatic to not come upon a car full of blood.

I don’t know what caused the accident (outside of the obvious). I don’t know why none of them seemed concerned about the others involved. It’s not clear whether or not drugs played a role. Things were obviously going on outside the normal parameters of poor judgment.

I do know that I’m grateful for the life I have and lead.  I’m glad that I’m one of those fortunate people who loves and is loved and is in nearly constant phone contact with my family and friends.

I’m glad that today I’ll be driving up to see my mom’s mom for Mother’s Day.

All is well with me. I think I have regained my perspective.

So there.

Worse reality…

You REALLY know it’s a sad day when the highlight is getting your toilet reinstalled….

and then it leaks.

Good thing I know where they have Bell’s beer on tap and friends in stinky bowling shoes.

Bryant Lake Bowlers, thank you for relief from my disaster.

Says me.

S.

Sad reality…

You know that things are a little off kilter and maybe not going well when the highlight of your day involves getting your toilet put back in your bathroom.

Says me.

S.

The power of a song…

Last night I went to the final concert of my high school choir director.  He’s retiring after 28 years of teaching/directing at that school.

My experience with him was wonderful.  He was a man who really enjoyed students and loved his job.  It showed and he brought out the best in us.

My junior year I discovered that choir and the German 2 class I needed were both only available during 2nd period.  I had to choose.  Seeing as those were the only two classes that I enjoyed in HS I went straight to the counselor’s office to try to work a deal of some sort…

My HS counselor told me I could go to college for my German class and still have choir at the high school.

That series of events changed my life… I hope for the better.  I had a full year plus of college credit under my belt when I graduated from high school.

Last night is the first time in about 15 years that I have stood on a stage with a choir to sing and it was great.   It seemed a fitting that alumni from all over would come back to honor a man who really dedicated himself to the music program.  I was glad to stand with them to say thank you in slightly off key 4 part harmony.

It’s odd how a song can leave you feeling renewed even if it jumps right into singing the praises of a HS I could not wait to get out of.

I cannot decide…

if it is worse when you let yourself down, or when someone else does.

When you AND someone else drop the ball at the same time it is enough to ruin your day.

Says me.

Carpet of Doom.

When I bought my current house it had salmon colored carpet throughout the upstairs.  It had wear marks to show the traffic patterns that were whiter than white and they included the footprints of the prior owner’s feet from getting out of bed each morning.

Talk about something I did not need to picture.

I received a carpet allowance as part of the house deal and I went out in search of Berber.  Light-ish colored, semi-tight looped… dog withstanding carpet.

I bought nearly 1700 square feet of it.

It looked horrible when they installed it as there were strands sticking up all along the walls.  The seams showed way more than any seam should show.  There was a random square cut into the family room in a corner that had to be seamed in… I was hugely disappointed.

I made some phone calls… nothing good ever came of it.  (Home Valu, you don’t stand behind your work and are never getting my business again.)

Then the dog became an issue, then the vacuum.  That carpet snagged if you looked at it crossly and it didn’t just snag, it snagged and RAN.

So, lets say a dog collar with a loop with his tags on it happened to catch… and the dog panicked…

you might just get a whole spool of yarn to wind and a line down the middle of your hallway to show where it came from.

It made me sick to think of how much money it cost to get it and then to see it ruined, and I mean ruined, within a year or so… then reminded of it each time I was in my home.  I’ve lived on my dream carpet turned crap for about 6 years now.

Last night I hacked into that carpet with a knife.  It was kind of a relief to finally be able to give up on trying to save it all.  The downstairs carpet can hopefully be salvaged, but the upstairs is going to be hardwood and tile for all of the high traffic areas and only carpet in the bedroom.

Today when I walked out of the house over where the carpet had been pulled out, I felt like I had finally finished paying for my poor carpet buying skills.

I felt relief.

I felt hope.

I also bought a boot tray and every single one of you are going to take your shoes off on my new flooring and the dog is no longer going to live there.

So there.

S.

Moments of greatness…

I have to admit that I’m a sucker for other people’s moments of greatness.

When I was young I watched from the side of the ice rink in the Target Center during the US Championships as Tanya Harding became the first American woman to land a triple axel in competition.  She’d been amazing during warm-ups, but that was not a guarantee that it would be a solid landing during her performance… but right there on the ice in front of me, she took off and landed in near perfect form.  Sadly, the legacy she left behind has not much to do with her skating, but still… that was a moment of greatness.  I might have cried.

There are so many times and so many ways that we see people really becomes something so much larger than they thought they could be.   I love to see it, hear about it, cheer for it.  I think that we are all capable of it in our own way.

Just in my small hometown two couples have gone through the devastation of ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease.  One fighting for life, and the other finding a graceful way to say goodbye.   I think anyone who can endure and thrive under that kind of heart ache is somehow pushed to greatness just to get through it.   We’ve seen people wage war with cancer, injustice, ‘the sytem’.  People doing their part and more for the children of this community, the animals in this community, the disadvantaged…  I’ve seen volunteerism that would make your jaw drop and generosity that leaves you speechless.

I love the idea of normal people reaching great heights.

Check out Susan Boyle and her moment that I suspect will change her life.

It’s just really amazing how the tone was at the onset, and what it came to be.  I think we’re all a little cynical these days and can’t tell you how sad that really is for me and even more sad to recognize it in myself…

So thank you Susan Boyle and Simon what’s your name, for reminding me to look for greatness, rather than for failure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Says me.

S.

Pleasant surprises…

Today I found out what a pure release of unexpected joy feels like.

Taxes have been an ongoing issue since being self employed, so for nearly 10 years.  Every year I struggled with estimated taxes, claiming a home office, what does a deduction really look like… why am I still paying points on my mortgage, what is ’self employment tax’ anyway, etc.

This year I was HIRED, yes HIRED, so I had to file self employed for 5 months of the year and the rest as an employee with a home office… big mess.  I hired an accountant.

For months I have been dreading what I viewed as the inevitable and freaking out about where I would find the money to not only pay the accountant, but the taxes she would be telling me I owed.  I’ve been dreaming taxes, breathing taxes, crying taxes.  It’s bad.

Today I dragged my feet and soul into the office to pick up my returns and to pay my dues.

The office assistant pulled out my file and went over my cover letter with me.

To my amazement, I am getting refunds.

Yes, plural.  From both state and feds.

I actually exclaimed, “HOLY CRAP” in the office and made an elderly man jump a little.  I could hear his dentures make that sucking noise.  It was downright shocking news.

Today I felt the joy of unexpected stress release and it was enough to send me running and jumping from their office.

I am joyous.

I know glee.

I am ….

not nearly as broke as I thought I was.

Oh rapture.

ahhhhhh….