No turning back…

My carpet is done for.  We are at the point of no return.   Belongings and furniture are shuffled, closets cleared.

We are making room for hardwood flooring, but mostly we are making me sick.

I always find these projects to be overwhelming and stressful.

S.

Hey neat!

I hit 100 hits for the month!

That’s fun.  There were a few months there I was thinking I must have gotten REALLY boring.

Ok… so it’s true, I’m kind of boring… but people are still clicking!

Thanks for pretending to read what I have to say!

Sarah
The one who Says Stuff

A new beginning…

There is tile in my front entry and in the upstairs bathroom now.

I keep thinking that the rooms look bigger, but I’m sure it’s the lack of doors and that there is nothing on the floor anywhere for once.

Of course, it’s not done yet… I still need to grout, put the baseboards back on, etc… but still….

I am so hopeful that this the start of a new happy relationship with flooring.

Says me.

It’s Easter.

The house is quiet with occasional shuffles and shifting of newspaper.  Dogs are not barking.  There is no music, no gaiety, no party.

We were 4 and now we are 3 and we still haven’t quite gotten the hang of this.

While we are not depressed, or morose or even melancholy, we are without her and that is enough to leave the bunny ears in storage today.

I think that it’s time to liven things up a bit, so I’m going to go make some orange juice and see if I can find some champagne.

Mimosa’s for mom seems just about the right answer for today.

Says me.

S.

Sugar Cookie Candles….

are not a good gift for people who are dieting.

Smells great in my kitchen…

making me want to eat cookies every time I walk through there.

Great thought… not good for those of us trying to reduce the number of cookies in our lives.

Says me.

S.

So much to do…

yet I keep finding myself laying around and doing ab workouts today.

I am SO weird.

So I say it’s my birthday…

Something odd has happened over the past few months….

I actually became my age.

I swore I was going landmark birthdays only from 30 on out.  30, 35, 40… nothing meaningless in between.

But recently, when asked my age… I’ve fessed up.  Just said the awful truth, that I’m 33.  A few times I even just said I was 34, seeing as my birthday is so close.

This would be my last year to be 30, according to my life plan of aging only every 5 years… and yet somehow I’m considering the possibility of just being 34.

It’s not so bad I guess, this age which I have arrived at.  I keep forgetting that I have a birthday coming up, and people keep reminding me by asking what I’m doing for it.  It’s like they are hoping I will make plans.

I’m not sure that Monday the 12th is really such a hot night for partying.

Dad is hoping that we can do dinner this weekend to celebrate it with my brother and nephew.  I said that would be fine, but now that I’m thinking about it I would almost rather find a different way to mark the occasion.

Bowling maybe, or some other activity.  A night out with friends and family or just family.. or two separate nights… it’s really hard to say what is best when in many regards I would prefer the day just pass unacknowledged.

From a girl who used to rent party buses to celebrate herself, this is an odd turn of events.

I’m here.  In my mind that seems to be enough.

Maybe because of others who did not reach their next birthday.. maybe because of a mother who isn’t here to see me reach mine…

either way… to just be here seems to be enough, and to highlight the occasion,  sort of morbid.

I keep thinking about my fear of aging and how I wanted to hang onto that age of 30 for as long as possible.  I dreaded what it meant to be beyond 30 and living the life I had.

Is it possible that each year has more value to me than it did when I started turning 30 year after year?

I don’t want to negate this time for what it is to me.  Each year has held a wealth of experiences and with it growth… although that hasn’t always been so apparent.

Perhaps it’s time… to just be where I am.  In nearly every other way I live each day just as I am, so why not when admitting that I’m older and wiser than I used to be?

Something to think about for a few days more until it’s time to transition to the next age of my life.

Says me.

S.

Closing the door on this year.

Highlights… Lowlights…

Here are the top 10 things I love and will love to leave behind from 2008.

1-  Love it – Fred.  I think I’ll keep him.

2-  Leave it – The current administration.  Buh bye Bush.

3-  Love it – My job.  You’ll have to pry me away from it kicking and screaming while on my death bed.

4-  Leave it – Increasing debt.  I’m all about decreasing it moving forward.

5- Love it -  New found physical strength.  Today I did lunges for a while.  6 months ago my knees hurt so badly that it was nearly impossible.

6-  Leave it -  Toxic relationships with my neighbors.  I think I have finally found a headspace where I don’t want to spit each time I see some of my neighbors.

7-  Love it- Simplified life.  Earlier this year I got rid of tons of stuff.  Clothing, items, junk, garbage, paper and on and on and on…it was the best decision I’ve made in YEARS.

8-  Leave it-  Doggie Diarrhea.  Nuf Sed.

9- Love it – New rock star skis.

10 – Leave it – Ah heck… I have more love it than leave it…

I LOVE my “new to me” car.  I’ll keep it.

Blog Stat Glory… for now.

This is the first month that I’ve had 100 views on the blog.  That’s kind of rock star for me.  I’ve been on the steady up and up for a couple of months now and am starting to think that it’s possible that things will have a downturn again.

I will brace myself for it.

Either way, this is just to say “Hey, thanks for reading the stuff I have to say.”  I hope you’re intelligence has not be atrophying as a result.

If so… it is SUPER not my fault.

Says me.

S.

Holiday Greeting without the Card.

So here we are a year later and it’s once again time for the deluge of holiday greetings.

I still love getting and reading them.   Here is my tree friendly cost effective contribution.

This year I went to Arizona, my dad went to Arizona, Matt went to Arizona, Matt and I came back, the whole family went to Mexico, some of the family skied a lot, part of the family went to Alaska, grandma went back to North Dakota,  I grew tomatoes, and then the whole family ate them.  I went to Arizona again, then grandma did and then then dad.  Dad and I both came back.  Only dad is sorry.

I worked, Matt worked, MacKenzie tried not to work and dad blatantly avoided work.

My dog barked, dad’s dog did not bark, both dogs are dying and we are all kind of sad about it.

Matt bought a house, dad helped him destroy it, I steered clear.  Matt and dad tried to put the house back together, I, yet again, steered clear.  MacKenzie put up with the mess.

I bought a new used car, Matt bought a new used car, dad continues to shop for a new used car, Fred would like a new used car and thankfully, MacKenzie is still too  young to drive.  He appears to be content with video game systems.  (Whew.)

He dressed up as Stephen Corbert for Halloween.  You start to worry about him growing up too fast when that is his idea of a great Halloween.

Dad turned 60.  He did grow up too fast.  Nearly everyone showed up to celebrate and mock him and we all ate too much and drank just enough.

Grandma came for Christmas and is most likely regretting it.  (Wouldn’t you?  It’s frakkin cold out!!!)

I’m dating, Matt’s dating, dad is weirded out by dating and MacKenzie is still not thinking about dating.  (Again… whew.)

I like that Fred guy.  I think I’m going to continue on with that dating thing a while longer.

So my wrap up of 2008?

Well, I had hoped that it would bring positive change when it came to mourning my mother.  I can now pretty confidently say, nope.

Still stinks.

Still don’t like it.

Still missing her in huge ways that make me feel like I’m choking.

We all still well up while speaking of her.  We all still have a million things we wish we could share with her, ask her, show her , experience with her.

We are just now starting to admit how wrecked we are without her, so maybe it will be better in 2009.

It would appear to me that we are starting to move forward again in life.  Starting to look forward, instead of just trying to breathe.

I would say that we are making progress.

We are healthy.  We are together.  We’re building our lives for ourselves.  We are heading in the right direction…

I hope.

S.